“The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.”
My best friend........In the last few days I had a revealing conversation with my best friend.....so revealing actually that it kinda kept my entire mind busy ever since.....The topic of our revealing discussion was our friendship, the way we perceive each other, the way have related to each other lately.
There were some hurtful words thrown into the conversation, maybe even some painful truths that will probably be verified in a couple of years. The bottom line turned out to be the fact that we don't know each other like we used to, that we have both changed up to a point that we can't understand each other anymore.
Strangely, what I most took pride in our friendship was the fact that I still thought her to be that one person I could relate to without having to explain myself.....or even speak sometimes. And she was that person throughout most of the significant times in my life. We all have that someone that really listens when we speak, that remembers all the important things about us, that sees our true being behind all the masks we put on. And the simple fact we can be ourselves in her presence is most comforting and relieving.
Investing all your trust in such a valuable friendship is the least you can do. You really believe that no matter what life brings, no matter what changes might occur this friend is always going to be there by your side, because he's the one who's supposed to understand everything you're going through. This is the person who is the first to believe in you, the first you share your experiences with, the first to tell you the truth in every situation, and most important of all, this is the person that no matter what you do, supports you in your decisions, and does not judge you, even if there are times she doesn't agree with you.
As I see it this is the first thing the sets the foundation of a real friendship: trusting and accepting each other. And when these are gone, you can't hardly call that person your friend, little less your best friend.
Friendship has to stand some severe tests over time. A fragile friendship can easily fail tests such as time passing, living in different environments, different people that leave a significant mark in your life. It's natural to grow as a person, to sometimes loosen the ties that link you to your family, to the people you once knew, to the places you grew up in. You might lose some friends on the way as well, but you can always count on your best friend being there.
I strongly believed that. It might sound childish and very idealistic but I always thought I could leave a part of me with my best friend for safe keeping. That part of the "real me" who few people in my life actually get to know.
What I didn't expect was for that part to disintegrate in very small pieces that, as time goes by, get lost on the way.
Even though my best friend and I kept up with each other's lives, it seems it wasn't enough to keep our friendship alive. Because we got to that point where we look at each other and we see strangers. We started judging each other, questioning our life decisions. For several years now we seemed to have drifted apart, a little bit each day, not paying attention to what was happening.
We are different personalities, and we've always been that way. In all these 4 years, living in different environments shaped us in the persons we are today. Persons that are even more different than we initially were. But the beauty of our friendship consisted in the very fact that we accepted each other's different ways. We were never afraid or reluctant to be ourselves around each other. We also shared common views, but always accepted our differences.
Until now, apparently....
So I am standing now....asking myself if the very foundation of our friendship stands exclusively in the common things we shared and if that foundation is completely wrecked right now...And where is that point where we gave up understanding each other and started to make judgements?
Friendship is the most lasting relationship you can have with another human being. It lasts though time, and space, and other people in your life. And when you lose that you lose a part of yourself. A piece of you that you can never replace and that is priceless.
At this point I guess our friendship is somewhere in mid air......while we didn't talk things through.
I am still glad to have had such a best friend, a best friend that is so hard to say good bye to......
....even though she leaves my soul somehow cripled.....
Losing my best friend
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Ore : 7:47 PM
Ore : 7:47 PM
Time for a new test little ones.......I discovered my true meaning in this life... :o)
Monday, April 03, 2006
Ore : 7:53 AM
Ore : 7:53 AM
Your Superhero Profile |
 Your Superhero Name is The Captain Flower Your Superpower is Mathematics Your Weakness is Color Purple Your Weapon is Your Thunder Rocket Your Mode of Transportation is Rocket |
This one goes out to The One I Love
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Ore : 6:24 PM
Ore : 6:24 PM
....I was preparing for the last few days to write this post......I had so many feelings overwhelming my heart and mind, so many things I wanted to say.....But my worse fear was that they wouldn't come out the right way.....the way I feel them ....
Somehow, tonight, I thought I will just say what I have to now........however senseless it may sound......otherwise I'll just bury these feelings in.
These last two weeks I've been at home, in my bed-the place I've dreamed so much of getting to ever since the accident. And I was right: once I arrived everything changed. Just not entirely as I expected.......
All this time, there was only one person completely responsible for my well-being at home.And I don't think any of us realizes what it means to have somebody depending entirely on us, like I am depending now on this person. We don't live with the thought that someday we'll have to choose between our normal life and our usual priorities and taking care of someone else. And I am convinced not everybody can make such a decision. I was fortunate to have a person strong enough to make it......
Every single day I have friends stopping by my place, people who are concerned about my well being. And every day that surprises me: my "being" is well every time, however nobody takes the time to ask the person who is taking care of me how is he holding on.The person who feeds me three times a day, who washes and gives me muscle rubbs, the one who fulfills my every desire and still has time to smile and encourage me, still has energy to love me and to kiss me goodnight. The person which goes to bed at 2 o'clock in the morning at wakes up at 7, so I can eat and wash up before he goes to a business meeting he can't decline. The one who bears my sometimes moody presence never running out of patience. And the most beautiful thing is that every single moment he is by my side he CHOOSES to be there.He doesn't have to do all these things, and still he is there.
He has to make this choice every minute of every day.Choices like giving up 80 percent of his life to stay home with me, choices like not going out with his friends, giving up chairing opportunities and AIESEC conferences, in a nutshell, pretty much everything that was important in his life up to this point.
I can only hope that one day I will have the chance to give back at least a small part of what he has given me. Although I seriously doubt love can be translated into anything more than what he has proved in these last 2 months. A "thank you" somehow loses its value in this situation, but right now it's all I have for him.So Thank you,Stefan !
I have been given so much since this accident happened: a chance to live, a chance to be whole again, caring friends and family to make my life better, and a person so dedicated by my side the entire journey........
And I must ask myself......What am I going to do to have been worth all of this?
Somehow, tonight, I thought I will just say what I have to now........however senseless it may sound......otherwise I'll just bury these feelings in.
These last two weeks I've been at home, in my bed-the place I've dreamed so much of getting to ever since the accident. And I was right: once I arrived everything changed. Just not entirely as I expected.......
All this time, there was only one person completely responsible for my well-being at home.And I don't think any of us realizes what it means to have somebody depending entirely on us, like I am depending now on this person. We don't live with the thought that someday we'll have to choose between our normal life and our usual priorities and taking care of someone else. And I am convinced not everybody can make such a decision. I was fortunate to have a person strong enough to make it......
Every single day I have friends stopping by my place, people who are concerned about my well being. And every day that surprises me: my "being" is well every time, however nobody takes the time to ask the person who is taking care of me how is he holding on.The person who feeds me three times a day, who washes and gives me muscle rubbs, the one who fulfills my every desire and still has time to smile and encourage me, still has energy to love me and to kiss me goodnight. The person which goes to bed at 2 o'clock in the morning at wakes up at 7, so I can eat and wash up before he goes to a business meeting he can't decline. The one who bears my sometimes moody presence never running out of patience. And the most beautiful thing is that every single moment he is by my side he CHOOSES to be there.He doesn't have to do all these things, and still he is there.
He has to make this choice every minute of every day.Choices like giving up 80 percent of his life to stay home with me, choices like not going out with his friends, giving up chairing opportunities and AIESEC conferences, in a nutshell, pretty much everything that was important in his life up to this point.
I can only hope that one day I will have the chance to give back at least a small part of what he has given me. Although I seriously doubt love can be translated into anything more than what he has proved in these last 2 months. A "thank you" somehow loses its value in this situation, but right now it's all I have for him.So Thank you,Stefan !
I have been given so much since this accident happened: a chance to live, a chance to be whole again, caring friends and family to make my life better, and a person so dedicated by my side the entire journey........
And I must ask myself......What am I going to do to have been worth all of this?